The Dinosaur Debate

So much is there in wait, under the brush of a tarry night, new moon, to be seen when the light comes. The sun: "you should take off your clothes bitch!" The always voyeuristic sun staring with its big eye, clouds rushing out as to cover a stripped Eve after the fall. Always victims of the sun we are and Eve and the fruit were no exception. The bugs are hiding away from her, ready to pop out at the first bite. The slimy worm: "my lady, I believe we have been here before." The worm (not slimy): "fool, you'll give us away! She doesn't hear you anyway. Look at those toenails." Indeed, her tonails are very very long and still growing. The worms must watch in awe as they extend and curl into the greeny Earth, down through the generations to one of The Major Factors of Life: dinosaur bones. The biographers don't agree on most of the details, but the one point they are relatively sure of is that dinosaurs lived about 200-300 years ago on a small island now known as Tarnagain Prunk. Some say the dinosaurs were destroyed by flesh eating ants as suggested by the cave drawings, left to us by the early dinosaurs, depicting rather crude dinosaurs running from ants. Other biographers denounce the Ant Theory claiming that the dinosaurs had in fact defeated the ants in the year 1788 anno domini at the Battle of Craig. Those under the influence of stupidity (more commonly referred to as "religion") have often claimed that the dinosaur bones were placed there by Thomas Jefferson Himself in order to test our faith in the Founding Fathers. Opponents of this theory have pointed out that it's not a theory at all as it is not backed by any concrete evidence; "Founding Fathers" is a misnomer as they neither founded anything, nor were they fathers; and what's more, these poorly named entities never existed in the first place. The Dinosaur Debate has shaped most of human society; most recently, is has caused the United States of Advertisement to launch an attack on I Rock because, as the Secretary of Benign Action has said, "those freaky sons of bitches have hid our bones under their desert [...] and besides, who can trust a nation of sunglass-wearing cocaine-snorting savages anyway?" For a more complete overview of the Dinosaur Debate, check out Kandofsky's "Children of Abramelin and the Thousand-Year Bone Feud," as well as Allsore's "T-Rex Has Been Dancing Since He Was Twelve."