A Table that's Not the Meaning of Life

I just want a table that's not the meaning of life to eat a burrito at. They sneak up on you, gotta be on your guard. I asked for pine, but got the meaning of life. There's this Hamburger here (not from Hamburg though, really, oh how they lie), a little too shiny and plaster turns out to be a stack of costers. The wax from the candle is dripping over it, not how you want to have to eat your meal, plaster my ass. It has been out of my control from the beginning, living in a small convent of nurses who dress in amazonian bondage. Sometimes they just tie themselves up and wait for me to get home: supplies! Some of them are Japanese. Only a few. As I had said before, one must be on some manner of guard. The burrito was good. Humble offering to my stomach (shiny eyes christmasevelike, gee golly hope he likes what I maded for him). Scratch that, the offering need not be humble. Take the fucking gift mother fucker! Don't make me pop a cap. (Caps, as we all learned in history class, are little organs in the human brain known for "popping," effectively causing one to repeat the same social patterns over and over.) At any rate, what one must be most most prepared for is The Major Factors in Life. The Alex Trebek Foundation, for instance, dedicated to the complete unwarranted annoyance of Alex Trebek, whose deeds include but are not limited to 1) Kidnapping Trebek's wife and selling her on ebay 2) Tapping Trebek's phone, recording his conversations, and releasing them on CD in a three volume set titled "The Best of the Tapped Phone Conversations of Alex Trebek" 3) The development and utilization of a device known as the Body Displacement Recertification Mangling Headfuck Syndrome Inducer whereby Trebek was rendered unconscious and put through a process of organ compression, packing the organs tightly against the skeleton; Parasite Insertion, whereby a small human parasite is inserted into the host through the anus and eventually comes to take over the body. Trebek later tried to sue, but the Trebekies (as they were commonly known) escaped to an unknown planet outside of the solar system.

More of The Major Factors in Life to come later...